We all have things about us that we would like to change. I am no different, like most women I have my body hang ups, but those I can deal with. The thing I would most like to change is my sensitivity. I guess it is kind of like a type of OCD. If people say something negative (or what I deem as negative) I will either put them straight or say nothing and digest their comment and keep playing it over and over in my head.
I know that half the time when things are said it is a case of people, not thinking before they speak, feeling awkward and saying the wrong thing unintentionally or sometimes just joking, but then there is the other half who do actually mean what they say. I am a tough person and will stand up for what I believe is right, but after the event I still find myself thinking about what was said, churning it around and around.
I have always been sensitive, that’s probably why I was such a good target for bullies when I was at school. I definitely feel though that I have become more sensitive since becoming a Mummy. The minute you become a Mummy people feel they have the right to pass comment, judge and even criticise you. This is definitely more apparent now that I am now the Mummy of a disabled child. I guess a big part of me taking everything to heart and so personally is because I am protecting and defending my daughter Isabella, as she doesn’t have a voice of her own. Sometimes it is not what people say, it is their body language and the way they say it. I have had everything from ‘Oh okay so you are breastfeeding!’ to ‘You’re overfeeding her!’
I wish I could be one of those people who ignore what is said and not let it bother them. I can pretend I have ignored what was said, but find myself stewing over it later. Then on the other hand I don’t want to just ignore when things are said, as ignorance could be seen as acceptance and sometimes people need to be made to understand. Comments like ‘Oh she is alright.’ ‘Look at her she is beautiful, there is nothing wrong with her!’ are ones that I do not let go or ignore. However one thing I am trying my hardest to improve on is the way I deliver my responses to people’s ridiculous comments such as these. I can sound quite blunt and harsh, as usually what has been said has annoyed me. I need to work on not biting and letting people get the better of me.
I am not silly, I know we are at the start of a very long road where there will be lots of moments where things will be said that will not be to my liking and I will just have to let some of them wash over me, like water off a duck’s back….